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Silent parental conflict: Parents’ perspective
Magdalena M Kielpikowski
PhD Candidate, Roy McKenzie Centre for Study of Families & School of Psychology, Victoria University, Wellington, New Zealand
Jan E Pryor
Roy McKenzie Centre for the Study of Families, Victoria University, Wellington, New Zealand
Abstract
As well as verbal disputes and physical aggression, relationship conflict between couples may take a non-verbal non-physical form. Little research exists on this aspect of couple conflict especially in the context of families with children.
This qualitative exploratory study was designed to begin addressing this gap and to provide a foundation for the development of a psychometric measure. We conducted 13 semi-structured interviews with parents in order to ascertain their perspective on non-verbal non-physical conflict.
Five main themes identified through thematic analysis were: behavioural change as a marker of silent conflict, lack of resolution, avoidance and withdrawal, costs of silent conflict, and advantages of silent conflict. Participants reported emotional and physical effects and negative spill over to their interactions with children, as parents became impatient and preoccupied.
Despite these high costs, parents cited emotional regulation, de-escalation and the possibility of concealment of discord from children as perceived benefits of silent conflict. The complexity of silent conflict is discussed in view of the recent findings of its impact on young people (Pryor & Pattison 2007).
Keywords
interparental conflict, non-verbal conflict, avoidant behaviour, withdrawal
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